Dad Smarter Not Harder

Sharing is caring -- or is it? What should you do when siblings won't share?

Episode Summary

Kimbal wants to play with a puzzle box, but Juniper takes it from her. Instead of punishing Juniper or taking it away from her, I use it as an opportunity to teach empathy and eventually sharing.

Episode Notes

If you have multiple kids, then you know first-hand that sharing just doesn't come naturally to us. One kid starts working on an item and the other immediately wants to work on the same thing. The challenge is that we don’t have two of everything. And you know what, we shouldn’t. Kids need to learn to wait for their turn, learn to become engrossed in an activity without the fear of it being taken away, and of course, eventually learn to share.

The keyword here is “eventually”, because it doesn’t help when you force a kid to share; in fact, as we’ll learn today, forcing them to share is not only counterproductive, but hurts them in the long run.

Principles we follow at home:

  1. We patiently wait our turn to use an item
  2. We don’t take an item from someone and we don’t pressure them to “hurry up”
  3. When we’re done with an item and someone is waiting to use it, then we share it

Recap of what we learn today: 

  1. We as parents are our children’s teachers, not the judge and jury, and not the enforcer.
  2. Don’t force kids to share; instead, focus on teaching them to wait their turn and to share only once they’re done working with the item.
  3. Make it clear that you expect your kids to solve their challenges together. Yes, you’ll often need to help, especially when they’re little, but set that expectation from the beginning and they’ll eventually work it out themselves.
  4. Resolutions to teaching moments don’t have to be perfect. Know that even if at the end your child refuses to share, they are listening to you and will eventually learn through consistent and loving messaging.

Thank you for joining me today on Dad Smarter Not Harder.

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