Dad Smarter Not Harder

How to turn a fight with your spouse into a positive for your kids

Episode Summary

Kim and I get into a fight in front of the kids, but, we turn this high-stress situation into a wonderful teaching moment that helps Juniper learn how to positively resolve conflicts.

Episode Notes

Today is an incredibly personal episode. As a kid, everyday, my mom and dad would fight, they would just straight up yell at each other for the same reasons on repeat: Why do you always turn down the air conditioning? Why aren’t you out there putting in more hours at work? And of course, they fought about money. We never, ever had enough money.

In this episode, we explore a fight that Kim and I had recently. But the focus isn’t on the fight itself; rather, the focus is on what we do after the fight has happened and how we combine techniques taught in several books to rewind the argument that happened, explain and identify the emotions that were felt, give tools to cope with these big emotions, and close the loop by apologizing to each other in front of the kids.

Resources from the episode:

  1. Mark Cummings, a psychologist at Notre Dame University who extensively studies marital conflicts and how it impacts kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gR7bxJEvV4
  2. Dr. Tovah Klein on preschoolers: https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/how-to-fight-in-front-of-the-kids/
  3. Don't fight about the kids in front of the kids: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/rules-parents-fighting-in-front-of-the-kids/ 
  4. The instant rewind technique from the Whole Brain Child
  5. How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk

I want your feedback, questions, anything really. I just want to talk to you and the best way to do it is by shooting me a tweet at @junloayza.